Do The Hard Things.

Tonight, my oldest child walked into my bedroom after I got out of the shower. He nonchalantly told me he was glad that he heard me singing in there again. He told me he’s missed it. I asked him what he meant and he said, “I always know you’re really happy when you play music and sing so loud.”

Gut check.

I didn’t even realize I stopped. I mean, I knew that the extra effort to connect the speaker and pick a few songs hasn’t felt necessary lately. Mostly because I usually hold my exhausted body up by leaning against the shower wall at 10pm just long enough to wash my hair and ass before crawling into bed for a few hours of restless sleep.

I really can’t remember the last time I sang in there.

I have spent the last few years, specifically the last year, consumed by deconstructing every single thing I’ve ever known to be true. My religion. My sexuality. My relationships. I’ve always done what I thought was expected of me and then I ended up having to fix the brokenness that came in the aftermath of not meeting those expectations.

Those expectations were bullshit. Glennon Doyle said, “when a woman finally learns that pleasing the world is impossible, she becomes free to learn how to please herself.” And when I read those words, it was like a switch flipped. I stopped caring about making everyone else happy and focused on my own happiness.

I decided just to stop giving a fuck about what people expect from me.

In the last month, I “came out” on social media and immediately felt the effects. I worked at a preschool in a church that preaches loving people where they are, but sends pastors to “come alongside you” while you try to pray your gay away. I quit my job there, even though it meant having to leave kids and their families who have become like my own. The next morning I woke up with this overwhelming sense of relief that I wasn’t expecting but that simultaneously brought contentment and broke my heart.

I felt free to finally be authentically myself for the first time in my entire life.

And you know what? The God that I believe in created me to be this person and still loves me unconditionally.

Just a year ago, some of the words spoken to me in the last month would have absolutely broken me. Instead, I’ve found so much happiness.

So basically, what I’m saying is that Glennon was right. Don’t be afraid to do the hard things. Quit the job. Date the human that makes you happy. Be authentically yourself. Choose the joy.

Oh, Hey Second Trimester! (13 Weeks)

IMG_1585-2 3SECOND TRIMESTER! WHOOP. I feel like this pregnancy is flying and crawling at the same time. We find out the gender in four weeks, and after that it can just slooooooow down.

Also, I’m pretty sure my belly got bigger overnight last night. Maybe not, but I’m going to pretend it did to make myself feel better. At least I’m looking more pregnant, and less like I’ve eaten too many bags of cheetos. (Which I would never do, obviously…)

How far along? Thirteen weeks!

Are you showing? Yep. Not really hiding it anymore.

Gender: We’ll find out the first week of October! Drew and Aiden want a girl, I would like a girl since we obviously already have a boy, but I’ll be happy with healthy!

Total weight gain: Gained another pound back! Sitting at -3 for the moment. I’ll take it. I was +10 by this point with Aiden.  

Maternity clothes: Oh yes. I was determined to wear my favorite shorts last night one more time, and I had to use the hair-tie and belly band trick.   

Stretch marks: Just the pre-existing ones.

Sleeping: So-so. But tired alllllll the time.

Food Cravings: Tomatoes, cheese, & cheerwine. Which DOES have caffeine in it. FYI. I learned that this week.   

Anything making you sick or queasy? It’s finally easing up! Still have moments of nausea, but haven’t actually puked in a few weeks. (Knock on wood.)

Miss Anything? Energy, Sleep, Wine, and Sushi. 

Movement: Flutters and wiggles! 

Labor signs: Nope!

Symptoms: Light stretching/cramps, pure exhaustion, slight nausea, soooooo emotional, and the acne of a teenager.

Belly Button in or out: Still in!

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or moody: Happy for the most part! But very easily brought to tears by absolutely nothing. Unless you count dropping Aiden off at pre-k. He was fine, I was a hot mess. Blame the hormones. 

Best moments this week: Feeling flutters more often!

Looking forward to: That second trimester burst of energy. It can come any day now. Really… any time would be great….?

Here’s your bumpdate! Go look at my instagram and compare it to yesterday’s photo and tell me if you think I look rounder today. 

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Aiden Goes to School

aid5Snack, complete with cheesy note from an emotional Mommy:IMG_3272Obligatory over-the-shoulder-backpack photo:
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Checking in:aid8Right after this, I walked away crying. A mixture of being sad that my baby is so grown, and being so proud of how secure and independent he’s becoming. Just about ten months until I have to send him off to kindergarten and just thinking about it makes me a hot, emotional mess. Blaming the pregnancy hormones.

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Easter Bunny Cupcakes

For Aiden’s class Easter party, I made Peter Cottontail Cupcakes!

Here is my go-to recipe for vanilla cupcakes:

Ingredients:
2/3 c. butter, soft
1 3/4 c. sugar
2 eggs
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
3 c. flour
2 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
1 1/2 c. milk

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350°.
2. Line a muffin pan with cupcake liners.
3. In a large bowl mix butter, sugar, eggs, and vanilla until light and fluffy. Beat eggs in one at a time. Combine dry ingredients. Stir into batter alternately with milk.
4. Spoon into prepared muffin cups.
5. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes in preheated oven.

Icing:

2 oz (60g) butter, softened
3 cups confectioners sugar, sifted
2 tbsp milk
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
A dash of salt

Directions:

1. Whip butter in an electric mixer on medium speed for about 8 minutes or until it becomes creamy.

2. Pour in rest of the ingredients and continue blending them on low speed for a minute, then change the speed and keep mixing for another 6 minutes or until the mixture becomes light and fluffy. You can also add food coloring.

I also obviously used Peep Bunnies and jellybeans for the “eggs.”

Super easy and super cute!

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DIY Melted Crayon Valentines

This year was my first attempt at making Valentines for Aiden’s class, something I’ve looked forward to since he started preschool!

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Not bad for my first try! 🙂

 

 

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Elves Like Chocolate Too.

Buddy got into Aiden’s advent calendar and chocolate stash this morning!

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But he saved today’s piece just for Aiden!

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And another passive aggressive “list” reminder for Mommy.

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Aiden’s reaction the Buddy eating his chocolate, summed up in a photo:

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Elf Diary 3: Elf on the Swing?

Apparently Buddy got into my craft stash last night and made himself a swing using my ribbon, and a toilet paper roll!

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Buddy also wrote Aiden (who has been EXTRA…ummm…three-year-old-ish the last few days) a note reminding him to be NICE! And to make a Christmas list so that Santa’s helpers…aka the Grandparents… will leave Mommy alone! 😉


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By the way, if you decide to try this one, you need some weight inside the TP roll to counter the weight of the elf’s head. These seashells worked perfectly, and Aiden couldn’t see them from his angle.

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Elf Diaries: Day 2

I’m not sure if Aiden was more concerned about the fact that Buddy colored on his face, or the fact that Buddy was holding Mommy’s markers. (Aiden isn’t allowed to touch them after a certain hallway wall re-decorating fiasco.) Either way, day two was successful…so far!
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My Identity.

Lord, I am getting bad at keeping up with this. With or without my iPhone. No big changes since my last post. Still in school, still working, still being Mommy. Although, Aiden did start the two-year-old class at preschool at the beginning of September! He was so excited about going to “big boy school.” So far, he still seems to be loving it and is learning so much! Yesterday, he just randomly counted to seven. Like it was no big deal. I was shocked!

At the beginning of September, we also took our first “family” vacation to the beach with two of my best friends. My child has no fear! He was deeper in the ocean than even I am comfortable with (which isn’t that far). I will attach some photos below from the trip.

On a totally different topic… Normally, I’m not very open with all that went down between myself and Aiden’s father and how our relationship ended. I just don’t really think it’s anyone’s business but mine, his, and our family’s. What I will say is that we are civil. You’re probably wondering where I’m going with this?

My BIGGEST pet peeve is when people assume that because I have a child, I have a husband. NO, I don’t have a husband. NO, there is no one who will be my husband in the immediate future. AND NO, (and this is the big one) I AM NOT DIVORCED OR WIDOWED. People seem to assume that because I have a kid, I obviously had a husband at some point. No, I’ve never been married and kind of glad about that fact. It’s 2012, and I am perfectly capable of raising my son WITHOUT a husband. At Aiden’s preschool Friday, I was standing there (clearly a sitting duck for these women) and two of the other moms approached me and asked “what does your husband do?”

I simply said, “I don’t have one.”

This woman, who clearly had balls of steel, said “Oh no! What happened to him?”

WHO ASKS SOMEONE THAT?

Then, after I explained to them that Aiden’s dad and I were never married, and that I am this apparently (to them at least) almost extinct species called a “single mom,” one of them asked me, “So, are you seeing someone?”

If I am, it’s none of your damn business! GEEZ! First, I would always get “oh, your little brother looks just like you.” Now, I apparently am too incompetent to raise a child by myself.

End rant.

It would really be nice to just be seen as another mom for once instead of the girl who got knocked up when she was nineteen. I mean, is that the identity that will follow me forever?

Pictures from the beach trip, as promised:

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