11 Things Moms Should NEVER Say.

I have a million things going through my head this week and feel like I may EXPLODE if I don’t do some blog-venting.

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In the three and a half short (long) years that I have been known as “Mommy,” my role has changed about five times.

First, I was a teen mom. (Not to be confused with one of those girls on MTV.)

Second, I was a kinda-sorta-stay-at-home-mom-full-time-student. (Yeah, it was as exhausting as it sounds.)

Third, I became a single-working-full-time-student-Mom. (Also exhausting.)

Fourth, I became a non-single-almost-married-full-time-working-mom. (Still exhausting, but what part of parenting isn’t? It’s all worth it.)

Now, I’m a stay-at-home-Mom-and-wife. (And I am soooo thankful that I’m able to do so.)

I’ve been pretty much every type of mom there is at least once, so maybe that’s why I really, REALLY hate the so-called “Mommy-Wars” that exist between all of the “sides.”

There shouldn’t even be “sides.” Just Moms.

The SAHMs think the working moms choose to be away from their kids, the working moms think the SAHMs are lazy and sit around eating bonbons and watching shows on Netflix all day.

The crunchy moms think the silky moms are killing their children slowly with cow’s milk and crying it out, and the silky moms think the crunchy moms are just a bunch of hippies who walk around with their amber necklaces and milk-filled breasts preaching about knowing better and doing better.

Moms with more than one child think that moms with only one have it so easy, and moms with one think the moms with many are being overly dramatic because it can’t possibly be that hard, right? The Duggar’s have 19. They survived.

Me? I float around somewhere in the middle of each of these. I cannot stand to see a mom put another mom down because she is choosing to parent a different way.

Here are eleven Mommy-War comments that I’ve personally heard a mom say to another mom, and sometimes to me!

1) You’re not breastfeeding? You know how bad formula is, right? (Breast is best, sure. But it’s not always the BEST option for every mom.)

2) He sleeps in your bed? How do you and your Husband/Partner ever have sex?! (None of your damn business, that’s how.)

3) You circumcised him? How could you mutilate your perfect little boy like that? (Again, it’s not your business, so don’t ask.)

4) You DIDN’T circumcise him? Imagine how he’s going to feel in that locker room in fifteen years! (See number 3.)

5) You let her cry it out? Do you know how emotionally abusive that is to your baby? How will she know you love her? (CIO, when done the right way, helps some moms/babies establish a normal sleeping pattern. It’s not for everyone, and it’s not your business.)

6) You’re going back to work? Do you WANT to miss all of her biggest milestones? (Thanks for the salt in the wound.)

7) You’re a stay-at-home Mom? So what do you do all day? (Let me stop doing what I do for a week and show you.)

8) You’re a single mom? Why did you even have kids of you weren’t going to stay married/together? (Yes, someone really asked me that. Because clearly I PLANNED on becoming a single mom at 20.)

9) You’re a silky mom? So you knowingly let your kid(s) have cow’s milk/fruit juice/produce from WAL-MART? (God forbid he have those Walmart-apples.)

10) You’re home schooling? So you know your kid is going to be an introvert/weirdo right? (Or possibly brilliant from the one-on-one.)

11) PUBLIC SCHOOL? Do you want him to SURVIVE until eighteen? (I mean, algebra is hard…but not lethal.)

WHY do we as moms feel the need to belittle other moms for doing things differently? WHY is our way the only way?

WHY can’t we just end these Mommy-Wars and get back to raising all of our happy and healthy children?

Turkeys, Indians, & Elves.

Ok, I suck at posting daily. I WILL at least do weekly for the rest of 2013. Here are some updates from November.

DIY/Craft Turkeys with my art class (It was a big hit…they are ages 3-5):

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Aiden’s Thanksgiving Feast at his preschool:

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AAAAAANNNNDDDDDDD Our Christmas decor is mostly up (much to my Husband’s dismay…Scrooge):

 

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I will post more about our Christmas decor and traditions once it’s actually December.

 

For now, I’ll leave you with a sneak peek of what’s to come… Get excited!!!

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Our (currently nameless) Elf on the Shelf moves in Sunday! I’ll be sure to update on all of the shenanigans he gets into around here starting Monday.

 

Have suggestions for “Elf Shenanigans?” Or even a name suggestion? Comment below!

 

 

 

Otherwise, have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

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Rookie Mom Confessions.

 

When you become a new mom, you really don’t have the slightest idea exactly how hard it is going to be to be responsible for this little, tiny, helpless, screaming, non-sleeping, anti-latching, infant. Sometimes it can get overwhelming, and you feel like you are completely alone. 

When Aiden was first born, I realized within a week that I was in way over my head. Luckily, I had a good support system in my family, and in his paternal grandparents.

Regardless, everyone reaches their breaking point sometimes. A young mother in the facebook group that I help run made a FANTASTIC suggestion when I asked for opinions for my next blog entry. Rookie Mom Confessions. Obviously. Hence the title.

I felt like it was a fantastic idea, since most of my readers are young or new moms. I asked my friends and followers to anonymously email or message me what they thought were some of the most awful, horrendous, and shocking things that they have done since becoming mothers. I chose ten of the most intense confessions I received, but I’ve also mixed in one of my own, didn’t want to be excluded in a chance to get something off my chest!

1) i sometimes let my kid play in his room while i sleep an extra hour, hes fine, its childproof and hes gated in, but i still feel guilty. but i am utterly and completely exhausted.

[It’s not like you duct taped him to a wall. He was safe, not crying or anything-I assume-and if he was playing happily, I don’t really see anything wrong here.]

2) When I get overwhelmed, I send myself to my room. Kids bang on the door and I tell them I can’t come out and they can’t come in until the timer goes off because Mommy is in trouble and needs a time-out.

[Mommy time-outs can be a good thing. Personally, mine is running on the treadmill with my “angry-girl” music playing after my son is in bed.]

3) My number one reason for not wanting to have a third baby is that I pee my pants pretty much every day since my second was born two years ago. At this rate, my kids will soon be more potty-trained than I am.

[Ok, I laughed so hard after reading this that I almost peed myself, ironically. Everyone knows having a baby screws with your body, inside and out. They just don’t always warn you about the after-effects of pregnancy. One word- KEGELS.]

4) I let my kids stay home from school sometimes just because. We all need mental breaks.

[Mom of the Year. I had to be bleeding or basically dying to stay home from school just because. Again, I see no problem with this!]

5) i put my son in his high chair in front of the tv and turned on disney one day last week just so that i could take a shower.

[Showers are good. So is Disney. As long as he was safe, and it wasn’t like a 30-60 minute shower, I say bathe away!]

6) I always find myself being a MUCH better Mommy after a couple of glasses of wine.

[Who isn’t? Just make sure your definition of “couple” is 1-2, and not 5-6. There’s relaxed, and then there’s alcoholic. Also, I would recommend having someone else in the house adult-wise. No judgement, just saying.]

7) I left my 1.5 year old in his crib crying and walked outside for a smoke so that i wouldnt scream at him. sometimes doing this alone overwhelms me.

[Um, this will probably get some harsh words, but whatever. Sometimes, you need a break. The crib is the safest place for a small child to be after Mommy’s arms, and I commend you for being able to know when to step away and regain your composure.]

8) My daughter’s grandmother, my mom, tried to convince me for the first 3 months of my pregnancy to have an abortion because I was so young. I’m pro-choice but I could never go through with it myself. She loves her granddaughter more than anything now but I still pray every day that she will never find out that her Grandmother didn’t want me to have her.

[That is intense. Someone very close to me went through something very similar. Almost exactly the same situation actually. It’s hard, but forgive your Mom. She only thought she was doing what was best for you, and I’m sure that now she regrets it after growing to love your daughter.]

9) the only reason i havent left my husband (who has cheated on me with half the vaginas in his office) is because i dont want to raise my children in poverty, and have no education since i dropped out of college to be an army wife.

[There are SO MANY options for you that don’t involve staying with an asshole because you feel like you have to. Trust me. Yes, you’ll have to give up your lifestyle and “stuff” that you may be living with now, but keeping your kids in an unstable and unhappy environment will be worse for them in the long run.]

10) I cried the first time my son cried inconsolably because I felt like a failure and wonder why God would ever let me be a mom.

[Bless your heart. This one absolutely broke my heart, I think because it happens to EVERY MOTHER. I will be the first to admit that I have cried just as hard as he does before. Especially when he was still little bitty and couldn’t tell me what he wanted. Pardon my religious-ness, but God made you that little boy’s mother for a reason. You are NOT a failure. Sometimes babies just cry. And no matter how much it sucks, sometimes you have to let them. That doesn’t make you a horrible mom, it makes you human.]

 

As mother’s, we’re expected to be perfect examples for our children and families. That’s seldom the case. Even the very best mothers make mistakes sometimes. Again, we’re all human!

 

My Identity.

Lord, I am getting bad at keeping up with this. With or without my iPhone. No big changes since my last post. Still in school, still working, still being Mommy. Although, Aiden did start the two-year-old class at preschool at the beginning of September! He was so excited about going to “big boy school.” So far, he still seems to be loving it and is learning so much! Yesterday, he just randomly counted to seven. Like it was no big deal. I was shocked!

At the beginning of September, we also took our first “family” vacation to the beach with two of my best friends. My child has no fear! He was deeper in the ocean than even I am comfortable with (which isn’t that far). I will attach some photos below from the trip.

On a totally different topic… Normally, I’m not very open with all that went down between myself and Aiden’s father and how our relationship ended. I just don’t really think it’s anyone’s business but mine, his, and our family’s. What I will say is that we are civil. You’re probably wondering where I’m going with this?

My BIGGEST pet peeve is when people assume that because I have a child, I have a husband. NO, I don’t have a husband. NO, there is no one who will be my husband in the immediate future. AND NO, (and this is the big one) I AM NOT DIVORCED OR WIDOWED. People seem to assume that because I have a kid, I obviously had a husband at some point. No, I’ve never been married and kind of glad about that fact. It’s 2012, and I am perfectly capable of raising my son WITHOUT a husband. At Aiden’s preschool Friday, I was standing there (clearly a sitting duck for these women) and two of the other moms approached me and asked “what does your husband do?”

I simply said, “I don’t have one.”

This woman, who clearly had balls of steel, said “Oh no! What happened to him?”

WHO ASKS SOMEONE THAT?

Then, after I explained to them that Aiden’s dad and I were never married, and that I am this apparently (to them at least) almost extinct species called a “single mom,” one of them asked me, “So, are you seeing someone?”

If I am, it’s none of your damn business! GEEZ! First, I would always get “oh, your little brother looks just like you.” Now, I apparently am too incompetent to raise a child by myself.

End rant.

It would really be nice to just be seen as another mom for once instead of the girl who got knocked up when she was nineteen. I mean, is that the identity that will follow me forever?

Pictures from the beach trip, as promised:

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Playing Catch Up.

I tend to let my blog fall under the back-burner when I become busy, which is okay I guess. Some other things should come first. Since my last post, my baby has turned two, I started back at college, and I turned twenty-two this past Saturday.

Aiden had a Toy Story themed birthday in July. I invited a bunch of people thinking not so many would come, but pretty much all of them came, of course. I had a house FULL of people, and anyone who knows me, knew that I was about to lose my mind! So many people in my tiny house and yard, holy goodness. BUT, Aiden enjoyed having all of his favorite people around him all at once.

I took the past year off of school to work and spend as much time as possible at home with Aiden. Best choice I’ve ever made, and finding the motivation to get back in class was difficult. It helped that a lot of my friends graduated this past May, and were preparing to teach this fall. It made me jealous, and motivated me to get my degree so that I can begin teaching myself. I cant wait! Having Aiden put me a little behind, but it’ll be worth it in the long run! It also helped that this time, I’m on my own financially. Gives me the incentive to succeed in my classes since I’m the one paying for them this time around.

And lastly, turning twenty-two on this past Saturday was kind of a big deal for me. Sometimes I feel like no one takes me seriously as an adult and mother. Almost like they still see me as this naive, 15 year old girl. That’s not who I am. I am a twenty-two year old woman and mother. Maybe people will begin to take me seriously now that I’m out of the “party” age of 21. Because that’s clearly what I spent the entire year doing.

Regardless, I’m ready to see what this year has in store for Aiden and me!

 

Separation Anxiety or Control Freak?

My son, Aiden, is leaving me for 10 days-ish starting tomorrow night. This will be the longest he has EVER been away from me, and to top it off he will be halfway across the country.

He’s going to Oklahoma with his dad to visit some extended family. While I know it’s good for him to have time with his bio-Dad and other family, I’m still having a hard time accepting that I have to relinquish control to someone else. Control freak? Absolutely. Trust issues? Most definitely.

I know he will be perfectly fine, and I just have to keep reminding myself of this fact.

While he’s gone, I plan to busy myself by deep cleaning the house, various projects, and planning his 2nd birthday party. Hard to believe he will already be two in just over a month! Where does the time go?

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