It’s been almost exactly five years since I got pregnant with Aiden. Since then, my life has been a wild ride. I’ve experienced more than most people twice my age. An unplanned teen pregnancy, a failed relationship, a custody battle, questioning whom I could actually trust, single-motherhood at twenty, dating with a child, meeting my Husband, moving more than five minutes from my Mommy for the first time in my life, getting married, almost ruining my marriage, God working through both my Husband and myself to fix our marriage, getting pregnant again… and the list goes on.
Not everything on this list is sunshine and rainbows. Not by a longshot. But, I wouldn’t change a single moment. Not one.
I’m also annoyingly optimistic. Just ask my Husband. It drives him crazy on a weekly basis. But, I wasn’t always that way. Somewhere in the middle of trying to navigate through the maze that was my anger, it hit me. Being angry, or holding a grudge, simply wasn’t going to hurt anyone other than me.
I didn’t know it then, but it was completely a God-thing.
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—” (Ephesians 2:8 NIV)
Letting it go was the best decision I ever made.
Don’t get me wrong. I still get angry, I still stew over things that I have very little control over, and I still struggle on a daily basis with the fear caused by not having control over the decisions made by others. Especially if they have a negative effect on me. Or even worse, on my children. I’ll be the first to go mama-bear if your decisions will hurt my kids.
I get asked so often how I just hand out grace so easily.
1) It’s not easy.
2) It’s really kind of selfish. I could choose to hold the grudge and to be angry and bitter all day, every day. But WHO is that hurting? Not the other person.
3) I may forgive, but I don’t forget.
4) It wasn’t easy for Jesus to give grace to us, but He still did. Not that I’m comparing myself to Jesus, but aren’t Christians supposed to be “Christ-like” in their actions?
Basically, what I’m saying is while handing out grace isn’t always the easiest choice, it’s the best choice FOR YOU.
I know this is kind of a vaguepost. I wish that I could get more into detail about the stories behind this, but I’m just not at a place in my life where I can yet. But, rest assured that I will get there.