15 Things to Never Say to a Young Mom.

blu

It’s no secret that I’m a young mom.

I’m always the youngest mom in the playgroup, youngest mom at the preschool, and the youngest of pretty much all of the mom-friends I’ve made since moving here. Now that I have a ring on my finger most assume that I’m older, and many are shocked when I tell them I’m just twenty-three. I can see them doing the mental math looking between my almost four year old and myself, and when they finish that math I can see the “ohhhhh” look spread across their faces as they realize how young I am now and how young I was when I had Aiden. Usually, they just brush it off or rapidly change the subject. Every once in a while, they say what they really think and it’s often pretty dang hurtful.

I’ve made a list of my “favorite” things that people have said to me in the over four years since I got pregnant with Aiden. Yes, these were actually said by REAL PEOPLE to ME!

1) Was he PLANNED? (Yes. By God.)

2) Do you know who the Father is? (Apparently being a young mom makes me a slut by default. I usually respond with, “well I have it narrowed down to three.” -Sorry Mom-)

3) Wow, your life ended before it really began. (Yeah, it’s hard sometimes, but I get to play with toys, go to playgrounds, and have an excuse to eat ice cream everyday. Not to mention, when he’s eighteen, I’ll be thirty-seven. Boom.)

4) There are much easier ways to “play house.” (So, first it was so hard, and now I’m just “playing house?”)

5) You’re just another statistic. (Don’t even have words for this one.)

6) Why didn’t you just get an abortion? (Why don’t you just get a hysterectomy BEFORE you accidentally reproduce. Thanks.)

7) Should have kept your knees together. (And you should keep your lips together.)

8) You’re such a great big sister to take your little brother everywhere! (I still get this one now, at 23. This week actually! Thanks to that lady for inspiring this post!)

9) Of course you’re stressed, you deserve it after the choices you’ve made. (……)

10) No one will ever marry a girl with this much BAGGAGE. (Whoops, guess Andrew missed that memo.)

11) It must be nice to just live off of child support. (HAHAHAHA!)

12) Guess you can audition for Teen Mom now. (No thanks.)

13) I’m sure your Mom will do most of the work for you. (She’s always been there for me, if that’s what you mean…let’s pretend it is.)

14) Girls like you are why our economy is failing. (I can see the headlines now: TEEN MOMS SINGLEHANDEDLY BRING DOWN THE U.S. ECONOMY.)

 

and last but not least…

 

15) You’re just setting your child up for a lifetime full of failure. There is no way you can provide everything he needs by yourself. You’re just a kid.

 

Why is it that in a country where teen pregnancy is so common, people tear these girls down instead of building them up? The odds and statistics are already stacked against them, so why make them feel worse? For me, my biggest motivation was when someone would tell me that I couldn’t do it. Not everyone reacts that way though.

Yes, some of them “brought it on themselves” because they wanted to “make him stay,” or audition for 16 & Pregnant. But more often than not, pregnancies at this age are an accident. Caused by failing birth control, breaking condoms, or a lack of KNOWLEDGE about birth control options. I don’t see anyone personally attacking the schools for not providing sex ed courses, or the parents of the girl for not having open communication with their daughter, or maybe the father of the child for being too embarrassed to buy condoms. My point is…

 

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. 

That girl that you are about to share your opinion with? She’s going to have it hard enough without you sharing your two cents with her, so if you don’t have something nice to say, do everyone a favor and just keep your mouth shut.

 

 

My PSA moment: TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX AND BIRTH CONTROL. Chances are, they’re going to “do it” whether YOU are ready or not. But make sure that THEY are. Check out http://thenationalcampaign.org/ for some information about talking to your kids. The National Day to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancies is May 7th!

 

 

Are you or were you a young mom? What was the most unbelievable comment you received from a friend, family member, or a stranger?

 

14 thoughts on “15 Things to Never Say to a Young Mom.

  1. Oh, I can absolutely believe the rudeness you’ve had to contend with. I was a young mother (not as young as you, but did have baby when I was 20 BEFORE my husband had gotten through school and established himself) and OMG I got the rudest questions! A doctor actually said to me at one of his first appointments “I take it this wasn’t a planned pregnancy?” And it VERY MUCH WAS thank you! Then, we moved into a neighborhood when our boy was ready for school and I was THE YOUNGEST mother at every school function. Everyone else, I guess had had careers, etc. before having kids. And they were SO RUDE in what they asked me. One of my son’s friend’s fathers even CAME ONTO me saying that he figured I was “up for it” since I was so young! I had been married for a decade by then! Oh, it’s not just you or your situation, but I TOTALLY know where you’re coming from!

    Like

  2. How strong are you?!?! And 18/19 isn’t so bad. You keep on fighting the good fight. The audacity of people astound me. How rude. I was 28 when I had my first, and that was right for me. I mean, at least you weren’t 14 or 15! That makes me mad for you. Good luck to you and your little family!

    Like

  3. How strong are you?!?! Wow! And 18/19 isn’t so bad. You keep on fighting the good fight. The audacity of people astound me. How rude. I was 28 when I had my first, and that was right for me. I mean, at least you weren’t 14 or 15! That makes me mad for you. Good luck to you and your little family!

    Like

  4. Loved your post! Many times judgements are passed long before the story is shared, happy to read you are more than just a number in this world and that you are bold to publish this post ! Keep me coming !

    Like

  5. Before i got pregnant I was very popular and well known in my city. I didn’t go out at all when I was pregnant except for one time I went to a show that my friends band was playing and of course a thousand people came up to me and one particular individual wasted no time and said “how come you didn’t have an abortion? If you would have had an abortion you still would be cute right now” …….thanks.

    Like

  6. They’re just jealous that you had a kid before your eggs accumulated all kinds of quality reducing defects.

    Like

  7. My son is a month now and I’m 17 and believe me I understand how hurtful those comments are and like you I use those comments to show everyone that my son is going to have the best life possible and that we are going to make it. However, the comments I receive are more pointed towards how I am choosing to continue my education. I didn’t decide to drop out of high school or stop attending my dual enrollment (college) classes and instead I stuck with them. One of my college professors said to me, “wow, you’re killing yourself! Not literally, but why don’t you just drop out and get your GED or something?” I find it hard to believe that people think that it’s a better option to just get a GED than a high school diploma, but I’m proving so many people wrong by not only graduating high school, but before that I’ll be receiving an AA in Environmental Science. So, I think it’s great that you do what you want to do and don’t give a crap what those other people say or at least you don’t show them if you do.

    Like

  8. I was a teen mum too! I’m 24 now, still not married, but still with my children’s father. My eldest daughter is 5 and my youngest has just turned one. I’ve had the statistic one a couple of times which hurt .. but I don’t let it get me down. Everyone has an opinion, it’s just some people have to share it all the time. I may have an opinion about their life but I choose not to share it because it won’t help their situation and/or they probably don’t need to hear it. I am also always the youngest mum in the playground/playgroup but I actually quite like that. My mum was 19 when she had my brother and 22 when she had me and I loved having a young mum, she was so much cooler than the other mums :D. I chose to breastfeed both my babies (because I didn’t want to be just another teen mum, wanted to do things differently to most of the other teen mums I knew) and managed to feed my eldest til she was almost two, and I’m still breastfeeding my second, and I am so proud of myself for that. Thank you for doing this blog!! It’s very refreshing to hear other teen mum’s perspectives and experiences. x

    Like

  9. It’s pretty much the same here in Australia. You really nailed it with this post. It has been assumed by strangers that I am my daughters nanny, not her mother. I have also been referred to as a statistic (that one makes me furious!). The worst was probably at my graduation though. The parents present were under the impression my pregnancy meant I shouldn’t be allowed to graduate. How does that even make sense?

    I’m at university now and I’m working on designing a magazine called Young Parenting for an assesment. Your blog is brilliant and I’d love to feature it as one of the Top 10 young parenting blogs, if you are ok with that. 🙂

    Like

  10. I get all the time… “You look WAY to young to have a baby. Are you at least married?”

    Excuse me, but keep your opinions to yourself. I’m 20 years old and have a one year old boy. Yes, I’m engaged to his father but no stranger can butt into my life with ignorant comments and statements…so annoying!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s